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Jennifer Love Hewitt wants people to know what she did last summer, not what she ate. |
BY BASSEY ETIM-EDET
PASS THE WILD TURKEY
I feel bad for recovering addicts during the holiday season. It's never easy hearing your father call you a mistake and watching your mother make passes at the neighbor. But enough about me. The Daily News online is reporting that Lindsay Lohan may have fallen off the wagon after spending a dysfunctional Thanksgiving with her family and unconfirmed ex-boy-friend/fellow addict Riley Giles.
Allegedly, after a major fight with Riley (several blogs claim Riley spent the holiday partying in New York instead of playing getting-to-know-you games with the family), Lindsay attempted to call several friends in order to find a place to sleep at 4 a.m. One friend revealed that Lindsay had done a little drinking--nothing major--but it's still in direct violation of the 10 Commandments or whatever doctrine rehab follows.
Frankly, I'm proud of Lindsay. She could have had a complete meltdown and started punching babies. Instead she chose to be mature about it and drink her sorrows deep into the darkest places of her heart. Way to go, Lindsay!
BIKINI OF 5?
You know what sucks about being a celebrity? When people follow you around and take pictures of you. You know, when they treat you like a celebrity. Golly, that must be awful.
I think it's comical that Jennifer Love Hewitt is all in a tizzy over recent and very unflattering pictures of her in a bikini while vacationing with her fiance in Hawaii. In fact, according to People.com, J.Love was so irked that she took to her blog to complain about how her cellulite is overshadowing her engagement.
She claims to love her body because she knows what she looks like, and states her concerns are for women and girls who struggle with body image. Here's a priceless nugget from the blog:
"A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful. To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini--put it on and stay strong."
Aw, Love. You're absolutely right: A size 2 isn't fat. But you're also not a size 2. Nobody is going to argue with you that the media needs to get realistic concerning women's bodies, but don't pretend to proudly champion for the curvy and full-figured, then lie about your size. It's just sad.
COLD NICOLE
Who won't be winning Mother of the Year? Nicole Kidman, because her children apparently hate her to the core.
Perez Hilton reports that Nicole revealed her two adopted children with Tom Cruise refuse to call her mommy or even mom. Instead they call her Nicole, which she hates. The actress admits to not spending a lot of time with her kids and blames it on the fact that they're teenagers who would rather hang in L.A. than visit her.
Wow. Nicole Kidman needs a diary so she can write "Dear Diary, nobody loves me," instead of gabbing to the nearest reporter. Listen, Nicole, kids have the innate ability to sense cold death, which is probably why they avoid you and refuse to acknowledge you as their mother.
Perhaps if you'd--I don't know--get a tan or lessen the severity of your face by showing teeth when you smile, your kids could learn to love you. Daddy may keep his wife chained in the basement and believe in aliens, but at least he gives warm hugs and comes to soccer games.
A HULKING DIVORCE
I'm hoping the Hogan vs. Hogan divorce will be one of the dirtiest events of 2008. Hulk Hogan is denying his future ex-wife's request for alimony, according to The Superficial. He's willing to split their assets down the middle and continue the family's health insurance, but claims that his wife, Linda, is able to take care of herself and their delinquent son, Nick (should he choose to live with mom). Rumors on the Internet also claim that the Hulk will quit bankrolling daughter Brooke's music career, as it is clearly an investment with no real return.
While I think the Hulkster's offer is totally fair, I'm curious to see what Linda will counter with. If Linda had any real friends, they would convince her to drop the divorce. After all, she's a woman of a certain age and, I'm assuming, a certain amount of plastic surgery. You can't be a cougar if you're broke and have no presents to offer your prey.
Bassey Etim-Edet is a freelance gossip columnist in Arlington. Reach her at